A discovery

A: Mom, I need to get up really early from tomorrow.

Me(excitedly!): Oh yes, School begins tomorrow. It will be the first day of your last year in school!

A: No mom...., School starts tomorrow and I have to reach school by seven in the morning. But the only time I can really practice Math is in the morning. Once the day is done, I am too tired to do Math. I need to practice for one hour before I go to school.

Me: Why don’t you give it a try in the late evening...after you have possibly rested for an hour or so?

A: No no mom....My mind is fresh as a flower in the morning. So wake me up a t 4.45 a.m. I will practice from 5 to 6 and then get ready for school .

Me: Ok! Will do.

Me (thinking to myself) : My flower just discovered  a little bit more of herself  

Mind bender: Kids have their own study times and body patterns. Recognise them. Some kids are morning larks who find that they can study well early in the morning. Some kids need the silence of the nights to work. Some kids need to read aloud while some ruminate over study matter. Some take down notes or make lists while some make pictures or flow charts.Whichever it is, let them discover their strength. It will help them set out their patterns for themselves.  We are usually conditioned to our own styles of learning. Do not expect them to follow that. Let them discover themselves. 

Mother India

Day 1

A: I have class early in the morning tomorrow. Wake me up at 5.30.

Me: ( complaining) Oh God! That means I need to get up at 5.15. I thought I would laze around esp after the long week of work that I had gone through.

A: No way. You are my mom. You need to sacrifice.......for your daughter’s benefit!

Day 2

A: (with tears in her large wide eyes) I just don’t understand this. How am going to work out all this that needs to get done?

Me: Never mind. We can just plan it out.

So we sit and plan out all tasks into a timetable. Now she is happy and all set to go.

Day 25 ( am skipping the rest..but we tackle each day as it comes)

A: You really know how to sort out what I am thinking.....how

Me: Ah yes! I am Mother India!

Mindbender: The year is highly demanding and yes, we need to give all the support. A decade and a half old and we expect these kids to manage time tables, study, revise, give exams and then perform well. A little bit of moral and emotional support can a go long way in helping these kids tackle the dreaded boards.

PAT A CAKE

 Me: There is a baking camp for two days. Would you like to go?

A:  WOWOWO... when? Where? How many days?

Me: The camp is on Tuesday and Wednesday. It is from 1 30 p.m to 6 p.m

A: Then forget it!

Me: Why? What's wrong?

A: You forget I have my tuition classes. AND if your remember they begin at 1. The teachers won’t allow me to bunk

Me ( thinking): Who bunks with permission!

Me ( aloud): Do you want to go to the camp?

A:Of course! But you speak to my teachers. If they allow then I will go.

So here I go again! The tuition teachers rule my life now! I muster up the courage to call up the teachers. Am sure World War soldiers didn’t have to do so much preparation!

And the deluge begins .......

‘See, I won’t repeat the portion’.

‘She will have to cover it up on her own’

‘I won’t give guarantee for that topic!’(Was the topic a fridge?)

Anyway, even with all these warnings I decide to go ahead.

So A is enrolled, she bakes her cakes, enjoys the two day camp and is actually recharged to take on her grade ten studies with vigour.

And yes, I did have to ensure she finished the topics, I had to take guarantee for that topic and the teacher is still refusing to do that topic for her. 

Mind bender:  The mind is charged and fuelled with energy when you do something you love. Don’t we like to take a break once in a while to recharge? What then gives us the idea that our kids have inexhaustible resources, they can study nonstop? What makes us conclude that a day or two of distraction will cause destruction? 

Sandwich

A : I want to go camping this summer

H: After your tenth.

A: I want to join baking classes

H: After your tenth.

A: I want to participate in the dance competition

H: After your tenth.

A: I want to see Titanic in 3D

H: After your tenth.

A: I want to download all of Linkin Park’s songs

H: After your tenth.

A: I want to eat a sandwich

H: After your tenth.

DAD!!!!!!!!

Mind bender:  Grade ten doesn’t mean that life has to come to a standstill. Yes, a sense of balance is necessary .One does need to strike the right balance between studies and extracurricular activities. But that does not have to come at the cost of leaving no room for play. Children writing the Board exam are at the age of 14 or 15. This is the age when their hormones are raging and they need an outlet. I recently met a parent who told me that it was basketball that enabled her daughter to score high in Math too. All during grade ten, the girl played basket ball for her school. She soon realised that she was getting stronger in basket ball only because she practiced it daily. So she set to tackle her math the same way. Thus from a girl who was scared of the math paper, she grew to be a confident student and maxed her math paper. Her learning from the sport taught her the basic principle of math. So the sandwich of life can be a multi tiered one: with academics, sport, dance and music.

THE PHONY TEEN

Three years ago, we gifted our daughter A a mobile phone. H and me thought it would be a good idea to keep track of her. She went to her classes for dance and drawing in the far end of the day and usually returned by 8 in the night. So it would be useful, or so we thought.

Within the next three days we had a phony(!) teenager in our hands. She was always on the phone. She was constantly texting or speaking to someone on the phone. Curiously every call would end when either one of us entered the room or the texting would happen just when we turned around. And then one day we discovered that she had carried the phone to school. There were videos of her happily enjoying a  joke with her friends on the school bus. 

We panicked! We ran searches through the phone. We deleted all the videos. We confiscated the phone and we rested; assured that we had everything under control. That day she went to her dance class without the phone.

H (in the ‘I told you mood’): We grew up without phones. She doesn’t need one. I told you not to buy one for her. But you didn’t listen.

Me: Yes! (sigh).Kids need to be in touch with technology. I thought we should teach them to handle stuff.

But later that day when it was way past 8.30 p.m and A hadn’t returned from her dance class, H and me panicked again.

Me: (in the ‘I told you mood’): I told you...if she had the phone we would know where she was now. I told you she needs the phone. I told you not to let a teenage girl without her phone.

H: O.K O.K. will go and see.

So H marches off before I could start my next ‘I told you so’ sentence to hunt out A. He reaches the class only to find her still dancing in the class. They come back home.

A (now in the’ I told you mood’): And that’s why I told you I need the phone. It would have saved you of so much trouble!

H, A and me have a heart to heart talk about the phone and realise that we all had gone overboard. A was overjoyed and we had over reacted. So we decided to set out rules for the phone.

So the phone remains at home when she is in school. She gets it when she goes to her classes and of course it’s prepaid. Oh yes, we had to get her the free sms pack.

There seems to be peace in the paradise.

Mind bender: Keeping kids away from technology is not the solution . The more we try to keep them away from it, the more they will want it. So it’s essential to set rules for how these things operate in our houses. Kids will be connected to their friends. We too were, when we were children. The only difference is that we did not depend on technology so much as they do. The media is different. We spent real time, they spend virtual time. It is our mindsets that we need to negotiate with. Observe children and you will notice that they handle technology in a far superior way than we do. So it’s time for us to handle ourselves so that we can deal with them in a mature fashion

UNIFORMED FUTURES

Rahul’s FB status: Farewell: My batch rocks.(Rahul is just out of Grade 10)


Jennifer’s FB status : The last day :My college is da best!( Jennifer is just out of Grade 12)


Govind FB status: Match my batch! Bet no one can! (Govind has finished his engineering course)


The month of April has many farewell photos uploaded on FB.As I scan through the ones put up by many of my ex students, I notice something.


They are all in their uniforms. They stand the same.
They look the same.
They radiate the same attitude.
They all are ready in the same way.


There is something highly unsettling about this.


Mind bender: Is this what our higher education system is doing to them? Are we churning out clones? Are uniformed futures the fate?

CRAZY COACHING

H (husband): Don’t you think we should put A in a regular class?
M (Me): No, she is going to three people as it is. One teaches English and social science, one teaches maths and science and one teaches Hindi and Marathi. All subjects are sorted. They know her, care for her and she bonds with them. (Thank god for that!)
H: Will that suffice? Will it help her score marks enough to get admission in a good college?
M: Yes it will. (I hope I am right!)
H: I think we should enquire with the coaching classes. (There he goes again!)
And after a month, when this conversation had played itself over 60 times, I decide to venture to find out a coaching class that would sail my daughter through Grade TEN
Yes, my daughter is entering GRADE TEN, the batch of 2013.
As a teacher, I have witnessed kids appearing for the board exams for almost a decade and a half, but let me tell you that in no way has it prepared me for the onslaught that I am facing now as a parent.
I begin my hunt for a good coaching class, I take the usual route: I surf the net. Long lists of coaching classes stare at my face. Each one claims that they are the best. They have every day of my girl planned for the next 365 days...right till the board.
I shortlist three of them and decide to meet them.
Centre number one: They have a regular batch and a vacation batch .And yes, I am informed, I am too late for the admissions. They completed admissions long ago... in October of last year. Sorry, they say. I RUN!
Centre number two: I am welcomed warmly. You don’t have to worry about her once she is here, the lady at the counter tells me. We have everything planned. And I ask her for the vacation batch so that A wouldn’t have to face them through the year. The batch starts the day the vacation begins, no break, I am reminded; its grade ten, she smiles mysteriously. Since kids have school in the month of April (yes, the school is also taking grade ten very seriously) we will have the classes in the afternoon. From May it will be in the morning. Then they will have the evenings free to.....She paused. ‘Play?’ I offer. ‘Revise! She glares at me. Attendance is computerised. Every student is given a swipe card. If she doesn’t come to class, within half an hour you and your husband will get a sms. All her marks will be sent to you by sms first. Only after that will she come to know the marks. All announcements regarding open house will be emailed to you. Madam, I hope your email id is active? She questions me. Yes, I mumble. We have tests every Sunday. There will be three prelims, so that by the boards, your daughter will be thorough. We don’t leave anything to chance. My daughter has dance classes on Sundays, I tell her. She looks at me aghast. Madam, Sunday evenings are free. Ask your dance teacher to change her timings. Why can’t you let go of that dance class for a year? , her eyes seemed to accuse me. Of course, we encourage extra activities. We have a year ending party. She can dance for that, she told me. This lady who threatens to rule the next year of my life. I RUN!
Centre three was a lowly cousin of centre two. No fancy classrooms, no fancy gadgets, no smses and no high fees.Hence not much seating in the classroom either....there were 20 kids in a 4 by 4 room...and I struggled to breathe as I was shown around the ‘classroom’. I RUN!
So I am where I began, convinced that my daughter would benefit from the teachers she was going to. They know her, care about her and she bonds with them.
And then when peace was just settling in, me and H meet Mrs.Gupta at a party. Her son is with Centre number two.
The next morning begins with
H: Don’t you think we should put A in a regular class?
Mindbender: Parents get anxious over the grade ten exams. Yes, it’s a stepping stone in life. But does it have to be a grinding stone. Let kids learn where they are comfortable. The bonding between a student and the teacher is of high importance. If the student loves and respects the teacher, the learning process becomes easy. Pushing them into coaching classes will not generate magical results. There is no right or wrong about the decision that one takes as a parent. Each one believes that what one does is for the benefit of their child. But in that let no one guilt trip you into believing that their way is the right way.Anything else can have dangerous consequences. Take decisions based on what your child needs and likes. The magic lies in letting the year move ahead in peace.